7 Different Types of Roles a Stepmom Can Take On and Why It’s Helpful To Know
A Stepmom’s role is an ambiguous one. She is supposed to take on the maternal and caregiving roles, yet not step on the biological Mother’s toes. She is supposed to get close to her Stepkids, but not too close. She is supposed to do all the things that are expected as a Mother but she will always have second tier maternal status, and everyone will tell her so.
Yet, a Stepmom’s role is undefined in society. This often causes stress for her because it leaves her role open to interpretation with differing expectations from her spouse and from society.
Although a Stepmom’s role is not defined, it is helpful to know what types of roles she can fill in her family. It might vary depending on the custodial time, the genders and ages of the kids, or even what the biological Mom’s involvement looks like.
Let’s take a look at the different kinds of roles a Stepmom takes on. While you are reading, think about which ones might fit your role in Stepmotherhood.
1. Parental
A Stepmom is in a parental role if she takes on the role of caretaker and is responsible for the child-rearing activities.
2. Friend
A Stepmom takes on the role of friend when she is supportive and sociable but does not take on an authority role or disciplining her stepchild.
3. Nurturer
She is in a nurturing role if she takes on caretaking and leaves the parental disciplining to the child’s parent.
4.Mentor
Resemble a close friend or family member that is a confidant.
5. Casual Acquaintance
Similar to someone that you have occasionally interacted with but don’t know well.
6. The “Other” Mother
These roles are similar to parents without trying to replace their parents and respecting the parent’s scope.
7. Distant or Amibivalant
A Stepmom that does not have a real relationship or connection with her stepchildren. Or one where there are mixed feelings present in the interactions and relationship between Stepmom and Stepchild.
As we look at these different types of roles that a Stepparent can take on, these roles can also be fluid throughout the Stepmother-Stepchild relationship. Successful Stepparents demonstrate flexibility with these roles as various settings and occurrences might require a Stepparent to have a different part in their Stepchild’s lives. A Stepmother might also find that her role with each of her Stepchildren varies from child to child depending on their ages (children under 8 are more receptive to Stepparents, than older children).
Additionally, an important factor in the Stepmom’s role is the communication between her and her husband about what role she will take on and what they value in their family. A good question for a Stepmom to ask herself is, What is sustainable for her to contribute to her Stepfamily? Getting good at communicating around the topic of what her role is, will be helpful for the Stepcouple to be aligned. If a Stepmom is able to participate in the way she would like to show up as a Stepmother it contributes positively to her overall well-being.
If you are a Stepmom or in a Stepmother role and looking for help on how to navigate your role successfully, contact me today to schedule your free 20 minute consultation to see if Stepmom Coaching is the right move for you.